Security gaurd neji
by lowfat-jellydoughnut
Summary: A horrendously awful dialogue project in which Neji catches Naruto shop-lifting. Crack fic. Slight NaruxHina
1. Chapter 1

Well, I had to go a dialogue project for school, and this is the first part of it. It's kinda makin' fun of the watered down Naruto CN is currently throwing around. If anyone wants the secound part than comment, kay? By the way My Minion say's Hi.

I don't own Naruto...or Neji...or Kakashi...or any character coming from Masashi Kishimoto for that matter...

Security Gaurd Neji

A dialogue

by lowfat-jellydoughnut and her minion

Neji- Hey!

Naruto- Huh?

Neji- I saw that!

Naruto- Ha ha, someone got busted

Neji- I'm talking to you Naruto. So don't look so worried Kakashi.

Naruto- Ah! Where'd you come from Neji?

Neji- More importantly, put that playnin magazine back.

Naruto- What Playnin?

Neji- You're hiding it in you jacket.

Naruto- I'm gonna buy it!

Neji- Oh come on Naruto, everyone knows you're the poorest ninja in the village.

Naruto- Well, I can at least buy porn.

Neji- No you can't. You're underage Naruto..

Naruto- Wait, here's my ID!

Neji- What's the point of showing me an ID that still says you're underage?

Naruto- ...Oh...Right...but it's not for me! It's for ...Kakashi! Yea!

Neji- No it's not, he just bought one. He doesnot need tow...

Naruto- Oh...well..

Neji- Put it back.

Naruto- PIMP SLAP NO JUTSU!

Neji- That won't work on me...

Naruto- Ow! Ow! Let go of my whiskers! How do you know all this anyway?

Neji- Um, Hyuga clan. Byakugan. It's my inherited blood line.

Naruto- Well, you're not using it right now.

Neji- Byakugan!

Naruto- Oooh shit.

Neji- Oh..

Naruto- Okay listen, you said I'm the poorest ninja, and well, I need some ramen.

Neji- This is interesting...

Naruto- I'm really sorry, I'll give back the peanut butter and bananas.

Neji- I'm afraid I'm going to have to kill you.

Naruto- It's just that I'm really hungry!

Neji- I don't care about the food Naruto, or even the porn anymore.

Naruto- Oh? Really? Then I'll just be leaving if there isn't a problem.

Neji- Hold it!

Naruto- What?!

Neji- Why are you wearing Hinata's underware?

Naruto- What's wrong with Hinata's underware? Can't anyone wear it?

Neji- No! Don't you know the laws of the Hyuga clan? Only Hyuga's can wear Hyuga underware. Are you a Hyuga? I think not!

Naruto- Well, how do you know it's Hinata's underware I'm wearing?

Neji- I do her laundry.

Naruto- What? I thought you hated Hinata and everyone in the main branch.

Neji- I'm a lesser member of the family. I must do the laundry.

Naruto- I'm...so sorry...

Neji- Anyway, Hinata is only supposed to mate inside the family!

Naruto- Oh, come on Neji! Can't you just be happy I got laid?

Neji- No! Now die!

Naruto- I got some! Believe it!


	2. Chapter 2

Hinata- Neji, no!

Neji- Hinata!? Oh god, the byakugan!

Hinata- umm...why are you mad at Naruto?

Neji- Hinata, you're only supposed to mate with someone within the Hyuga clan!

Hinata- ...um...like you?

Neji- Yes, like..NO not like me! Where is that fox demon?

Hinata- He ran away.

Neji- He what?!

Hinata- He left a note...

Neji- "Dear Hyugas, I've gone after Mr. Emo Pants Sasuke. Won't be back for many years. Neji, thanks for the playnin."

Hinata- umm...

Neji- Hinata, are you wearing Naruto's underwear?

Hinata- Um..well..

Neji- I surrounded by perverts.

Hinata- but it's got little foxes on it!

Neji- I can see that...

Hinata- Well, how do you know what underwear I'm wearing?

Neji- Well, maybe you could GUESS by now!! Something there, maybe on my face...

Hinata- umm...

Neji- Something kinda out of the ordinary, ON MY FACE! Sorta below my eyebrows..

Hinata- Well...umm...Neji?

Neji- People are asking me this just to piss me off. Like that Sasuke punk...

Hinata- Neji?

Neji- Okay, I'll give you a hint. It's ON MY FACE, starts with a BYA and ends with a GAN!

Hinata- Oh...that's...umm..

Neji- And you have it, too! Sort of like genetics, if you know what I mean.

Hinata- ummm...

Neji- Catch my drift?

Hinata- Oh! Byakugan!

Neji- Yes! You win the internet!

Hinata- Yay!

Neji- Now go e-mail it to all your friends. Bya-ku-gan!!! Neji has it!! That's how he knows all this. If it seems like he's seeing through you, you're right!

Hinata- Okay then, I guess I'll leave and e-mail my friends...

Neji- No, wait! Wile I have you alone, I have a question.

Hinata- Oh? What is it?

Neji- It's kinda personal...

Hinata- What is it?

Neji- it's...

I end on cliff hanger!!! Mwa ha ha!! There's one more installment (kind of a lengthy one) after this. So comment on my mediocre writing if you want to read it.


	3. Chapter 3

Neji- It's my hair. It's almost a meter in length now. And it's becoming hard to manage. And I want a cool anime hair style so my fanboys go insane trying to copy it for conventions.

Hinata- ...If you have any fans..

Neji- What was that?

Hinata- I just thought I had more fanboys and girls than you.

Neji- I know that! I need this hair so I can increase my fan art collection like Naruto and Sasuke have.

Hinata- Well, what do you want to know?

Neji- What hair gel do you use?

Hinata- Why don't you use the Byakugan?

Neji- The Byakugan can't see hair gel, you fool! This is why you will never be leader of our clan!

Hinata- Oh...well...perhaps I don't use hair gel.

Neji- Impossible! No hair would poof so perfectly without some product!

Hinata- No, really!

Neji- You lie!! Lies, ALL LIES!! The only people who don't use hair gel are Lee and Mastar Gai. And it shows...

Hinata- Actually, they're the only ones who do. Although it's not really gel. Lee just opens up the 3rd gate and his hair naturally...

Neji- Chakra gel?

Hinata- Well, I guess...

Neji- Of course! Why didn't I see it before?

Hinata- Because you weren't using your Byakugan?

Neji- ...you're beginning to annoy me...

Hinata- I'm...umm...sorry.

Neji- Just go! I must talk to Lee about about his Hair Gel No Jutsu.

Hinata- You can't!

Neji- Why not?

Hinata- ...It's his blood-line trait...

Neji- ...what?

Hinata- It's true! I heard it from Tenten.

Neji- What!?

Hinata- And from Sakura, too! And Ino and Tsunade and Temari.

Neji- How does everyone know this? I have the Byakugan! I should know this, too!

Hinata- Well, it's all stuff we learn in the women's restroom.

Neji- That's where you learned this?

Hinata- Yes. It's the best place for gossip.

Neji- And perhaps...espionage?

Hinata- ...well, um... I guess it helps. That's why I don't use the Byakugan Eye as much as you. I can just go to the bathroom and learn about my enemies.

Neji- I see, so you don't waste your chakra. It seems I've underestimated you, cousin, but you're still quite worthless.

Hinata- You're wrong! Naruto said..

Neji- "Naruto said" "Naruto said"! He's an idiot and a chakra no0b.

Hinata- You're wrong! He's very...very...

Neji- Let me finish that for you. "Stupid."

Hinata- Hard working! He follows his own nindo. He doesn't give up when something gets hard, he keeps trying and he's improving; every day he gets better and better. He might not be the best yet, and he might not fit your definition of shinobi, but he may someday fufill his dream and become the hokage...and...and...I want to be just like him because...well,...he's kinda cool, I guess.

Neji- Whatever. I still believe people are born with their destiny. Naruto is fluke and a destined failure. Like you.

Hinata- Neji...sob

Neji- No use crying about it. Just accept it.

Hinata- I'm not crying because I'm sad, I'm crying because I'm angry! Pimp Slap No Jutsu!! (part II)

Neji- That was unbelievably shoujo.

Hinata- Well, I am a girl.

Neji- And I'm a boy, so keep you shoujo-ness out of my shounen anime!

Hinata- ...So should we, like, fight for what we believe in for no apparent purpose?

Neji- No. I can't fight while I'm working...Unless you steal something. Then it's ON!

Hinata- Oh...well..Why are you working as a security guard, anyway?

Neji- Uncle doesn't pay me for doing the laundry..

Hinata- Well..

Neji- or the dishes or taking out the garbage or sweeping or dusting or toilet duty.

Hinata- Well, I get money just for being alive.

Neji- Shut up, you suck.

Hinata- Wait! Stop! This is Toonami! You're not allowed to make me bleed so much!

Neji- You're right! I guess I'll have to wait until the credits to beat you with an immortal salmon with the eyes of a murdering sandnin!

Hinata- Naruto...help!

Neji- He can't help you, now! LOL ROFLMAO.

END

And that, my friends, is why you should stay drug free. XP

I love my minion.


End file.
